As I sit on our South Asian rooftop listening to birdsong and soaking in four years worth of sunshine, nothing feels urgent. Of course the usual piles of laundry, children’s schoolbooks, and student’s assignments await my attention, but up here my mind goes into neutral, simply drinking in the slow beauty of the moment.
But if I peel back a layer deeper into my soul, I confront within myself a practiced apathy, one which has crept unnoticed into my spirit through prolonged waiting on God. It’s not that I haven’t been seeing His hand at work in amazing ways (this latest move topping the cake), but there are desires near and dear to my heart which I haven’t yet seen Him meet. And though I can explain away why the timing might not yet be right and how He is using this period of waiting to do a deep work in me, the fact is that my soul grows weary of wanting.
I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.
In a self-protective measure, it slowly slips into not caring so much, both about the things God has withheld from me and the things with which He has already graciously filled my arms. Why can’t I engage life with the same level of anticipation and zeal that normally characterize me? Why do I find the immediate and the mundane so much more comfortable to focus on than the long term and the profound? If I’m honest, the answer lies somewhere between exhaustion and fear.
From this position, I feel a growing awe over the persevering faith that so many of the saints of old sustained through a lifetime of waiting. Didn’t Abraham get tired of moving around, waiting for the child and the land that God had promised him? Didn’t Moses ever feel like staying in his bedroll and watching the ancient near-eastern equivalent of Netflix instead of getting up each day only to discover that the cloud wasn’t drifting towards the promised land yet?
There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.
But the hero of the faith whose story really resonates with me this morning is Anna. Unlike Simeon, it doesn’t seem that she had really been promised anything specific by God. She had no angelic revelation or Spirit-defined expectation that God had promised to fulfill for her, and yet clearly she was anticipating something. Why else would she live a life of such intense self-denial and focused preparation?
So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
1 Timothy 4:14
It wasn’t exactly the social norm of her day for young, childless widows to renounce the comforts of home and the hope of a family in order to dedicate themselves to temple service. In fact Paul would later encourage women in her position to remarry and live the domestic dream. But something compelled Anna to passionately pursue a very different sort of vision, whether or not the means were socially acceptable or the goal guaranteed.
There was something that she wanted so much that she was willing to give up food, sleep, and her very self in order to pursue. And sixty years later, she was still at it night and day. Hadn’t anyone introduced this old woman to the idea of retirement, to a realistic resetting of her expectations, or even to the importance of diversified interests and hobbies? Didn’t she ever wonder why she worked so hard to keep herself continuously in the Lord’s presence when she had so little to show for it?
And yet this humble servant of the Lord simply refused to stop getting up each day and doing it all over again. I have to believe that, as a frail human, her flesh grew weak and her soul grew weary. But God’s presence was not only the goal towards which she strained, it was also the power that fueled her flame.
Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.
Anna’s major contribution to redemptive history comes almost as an accidental side-product of her daily lifestyle. Walking through the temple courts in a state of constant communion with the Spirit, she “chanced” upon a young couple bringing their baby in for the standard procedures. What to a human eye would have looked like more of the same, the Spirit enabled her to see the eternal significance of. Had she not spent a lifetime practicing for and anticipating this moment, she might just have missed it.
Instead, this holy woman raised her voice to confirm the identity of Jesus and to preach about Him to all those who were gathered in the temple, eagerly anticipating the redemption for which they had been waiting for millenia. Anna’s refusal to give in to external pressures or to internal exhaustion landed her this special role in God’s Kingdom story.
And so as I falter in my faith, wanting to keep expecting great things from God but weary from waiting for them, I raise my eyes to this member of that great host of witnesses who have gone before me. I have no guarantee of what God will do through my persevering faith, but I trust that this spark of desire that His Spirit continues to fan within me will one day spring into flame. And in the meantime, I will get up each day to stoke my soul’s anticipation all over again.
3 thoughts on “Waiting With Haste”
Hi Tiffany; thanks for that… I would have never thought of Anna, but surely a great example. I’ve lately been thinking about the power behind and in the midst of faith.. How I have it sometimes but far too often I grow weary. I really liked this: Had she not spent a lifetime practicing for (discipline, work, effort, focus) and anticipating this moment, (belief, hope,faith) she might just have missed it. Therein lies the answer for me…I continue to pray for my mom’s salvation–asking, seeking, knocking…trusting, and yet as far as I can see…I don’t see. But so what..I am determined to believe Him as my prayer is according to His will…I am by faith believing He will do the impossible, just like He did with me. Thank you so much for encouraging me to keep focusing on the goal; disciplined in prayer, crying out to God as my heart’s desire remains for His glory and new life for this woman I love so much. It’s worth it for He is the hope I cling to by faith. Like Anna, I do not want to miss Jesus.
What you are talking about is so hard, Maria, because you have a powerful hope and yet no specific promise to go with it. You know that God promises to hear our prayers, and you know that He loves your mom. At the same time, you have no guarantee of the outcome of what He will do for her. So what does faith look like in that kind of situation? It certainly isn’t giving up hope and quitting on prayer (no matter how weary you grow in doing so.) Actually, I think it takes a greater level of faith to persevere in asking for something you aren’t guaranteed to get. Each time you do so, you are trusting Him not only to hear your prayers, but you are also trusting Him with the outcome. You are being faithful in the means while trusting Him to bring about an end that fits with His goodness and your desire. And I believe the fact that you keep desiring it is evidence that the Spirit is planting and nurturing that desire in you. May He sustain your faith, and may He give you the desire of your heart.
Yes, and Amen, to the words here in your writing here, Tiffany. That discipline of being ‘ faithful in the means while trusting Him to bring about an end that fits with His goodness’….and yes, our aching desire for our son to love our Lord and Savior.A wonderful reminder to recall those who persevered (including dear Anna), simply, faithfully, and expectantly, in that cloud of witnesses. The fear- that I can slide towards-has to be met with a hearts cry for greater faith and calm. Love you and pray for you all.