Recently released footage of Donald Trump boastfully describing his sexual domination of women has prompted many Christians to revoke their support of his candidacy for president of the United States. But his remarks, as well as the public outrage they have provoked, beg the question: why is it so wrong for a man to speak of (or treat) women as objects to grab, use, and dominate at his leisure? Is this simply an embarrassing case of “boys being boys,” or is it indicative of a fundamentally flawed attitude towards women and towards power?
Amidst the shrill manipulative posturing of women and the boastful objectifying comments of men, God’s Word calls us back to an other-honoring submission.
But among Christians, the same people who would decry such sexual exploitation of women, a not-altogether-different attitude often comes to the surface. Men are often assumed to be right in exerting dominance over women, particularly husbands over their wives. Though the church would teach against abuse of this power, the necessary call for men to step up to leadership in their families is sometimes mistaken for an encouragement for men to treat women in controlling ways.
Laying the whole question of male headship aside for a later post, the problem I would like to highlight here is the competitive, controlling approach that has infected our relationships ever since the fall. Genesis 2 paints a beautifully cooperative and harmonious picture of the relationship between the first man and the first woman, in which the woman gloriously fulfilled the man and the man honored and gave himself to the woman. Just like the Trinity in whose image they were made, man and woman found their satisfaction in using their personal power and position to promote the cause of the other.
Then another sign appeared in heaven …The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born.
Rev. 12:3-4
…But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
Genesis 4:7
Into the garden slithered another creature who had already traded in service for competition. Satan’s goal was to break up everything good that God had created, pitting humans vs. God, women vs. men, and man vs. earth. Poised in ambush awaiting the birth of a new creation, the serpent played the babe-like humans off of each other and off of God, successfully injecting his poison into all their relationships.
And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”
To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
Genesis 3:15-16
Worse than the scam pulled off against the man and woman, the serpent’s poison effectively turned his victims into perpetrators. He no longer had to strike at the woman’s glory—the man would subdue her under his thumb. And he no longer had to undermine the man’s strength—the woman would reallocate her power to compete with him rather than to complete him. She would start behaving towards her husband with all the mastering attempts that sin uses to control weakened human flesh. And her husband would start using his strength, properly directed against sin, to overpower and dominate her instead. (Note the identical language of desire and rule used both in Genesis 3:16 of husband and wife in Genesis 4:7 of Cain and sin.)
Far from being a prescriptive statement of God’s new intent for husband-wife relationships, Genesis 3:16 describes the painfully devastating effects of the fall. It stands in sharp contrast to the joyfully abandoned marital bliss of Genesis 2 (which is found again in the garden-songs of mutual delight and empowering love in the Song of Songs). What some Christians use to substantiate their claim that God has given husbands dominion over their wives should stand out to us as a clarion call to resist the curse, not to perpetrate it.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands…
Husbands, love your wives…
Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
As Christians, we don’t hesitate to fight back against weeds and drought or to overcome the dangers and pains of childbirth. If anything, we consider these efforts an extension of our faith in God’s resolute commitment to restore a broken world. And yet we fail to see the importance of resisting the human tendency to dominate and control each other. Is this not the very essence of Jesus’ teaching on servant leadership and of Paul’s teaching on mutual submission? God’s statement to Eve should jolt us into resisting the urge to exert our power over each other, not give in to it as our new normal.
Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.
Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.”
Genesis 3:20; 4:1
And amazingly, this is exactly the effect God’s statement had on Adam and Eve. Adam took up his power and used it to bless his wife with a noble name. And Eve exerted her God-given power to give life to another man. Hand in hand they faced down the curse, taking the first steps in overcoming their common enemy by surrendering themselves to each other.
Amidst the shrill manipulative posturing of women and the boastful objectifying comments of men, God’s Word calls us back to an other-honoring submission. Each time we empower and promote each other, we deal one more blow to the serpent’s scheme. As counterintuitive as it may seem, women empowering men and husbands submitting to wives is a crucial part of our Christian task to reverse the curse.
messytheology 
Again, I’m loving these fresh insights. Thanks Tiff.
Thanks, Yeti. Miss you.
Great post, Tiffany. You are a wonderful writer and you have a deep understanding of the scripture. Thank you for being honest as you work our your salvation for His glory. – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
Thanks, Amy. What a gift that God gives us not only His Words but also His Spirit to understand and apply them. May He continue to speak to and through you.
Reblogged this on The Christian Gazette.
It’s heartening to see someone else talk about power this way! I’d love to build up a bibliography of folks who see [true] power as life-giving and sin-conquering instead of coercing. I recently came across Andy Crouch’s description of God’s power being high authority and high vulnerability—usually you get at most one of the two. Sadly, a lot of Christianity seems to downplay God’s vulnerability, treating Jesus’ time as a vulnerable human—noting that he chose to embrace it instead of escape it—as an exception, often not even to be mentioned outside of e.g. Heb 4:14–16.
I attempted to use the term ‘coercive power’ in talking to James Davison Hunter (author of to Change the World, and popularizer of the term ‘culture wars’), but he scorned that phrase, arguing that there is only one kind: “the power to define reality”. However, with folks such as Mark Noll, John Milbank, Christian Smith, and Peter Berger using the term ‘coercive power’ explicitly, I’m going to push back. There is a desire for power in humans, and it doesn’t have to end up at Nietzsche. The Apostle Paul was a man of power, even if he were also a man of weakness. (Authority and vulnerability!)
Anyhow, it seems to me that so many Christians are woefully ill-prepared when it comes to understanding the very clear and simple message you’ve laid out, Tiffany. There are a few—the French sociologist and lay theologian Jacques Ellul comes to mind—but they seem to be so rare. Instead of a [vulnerable] power to behold such as Jesus or Paul or Peter, we have ‘masculine’ pastors like Mark Driscoll. Indeed, masculinity itself seems so under-valued if not despised these days. Perhaps that is because there are virtually no good examples, at least who hit the news?
P.S. Let me add Mt 20:20–28 to the scriptures you mentioned. 🙂
Thank you for your insights, Tiffany. It’s disheartening that this message is so rare in church settings, as it seems so fundamental to the marital relationship between two Christians.